Tag: #liferow

One year on

What a year it’s been! As I think about where I was a year ago, it feels like I’ll look back on this year as the year of reflection. The transition from death row to general population was such a shock to the system that i had to make the conscious effort to slow down, and to really try and figure how to proceed, figure out my new normal. I’ll probably never get over the trauma of being in solitary confinement for 30 years, and will be forever anxious in large crowds. That’s not just something you get over. It was so bad that it didn’t feel right, felt like I was doing something wrong when I was being escorted without full restraint. I felt so much lighter without handcuffs and shackles, but I’ve been carrying that extra weight for so long that it was becoming normal. It also felt good not getting the odd looks, the sad looks that death row inmates get when they get escorted. It’s a full on production to transport a death row inmate. It was good to just blend in and go through the reclassification process without having the full production.

There’s also no such thing as soft transition. I went from a single man cell to a 72 man dorm. Talk about shock to the system. I definitely had a few sleepless nights. I’m doing better now, but I also do have moments when it’s overwhelming, and I need to step back and gather my thoughts.

With all that being said, I’m very aware of the opportunity that I was given. Getting off the row didn’t always seem like it was a possibility. I’ve had many sleepless nights thinking about that as well. I’m very thankful, and even though life in prison is far from ideal, the opportunity won’t be taken for granted.

I’m still trying to figure it out and find my way, but hopefully I’ll make the best of life when it’s all said and done.

One love

David

Is love in prison any different…?

Is finding love in prison any different to finding love in the free world?

Love is one of the best things we can experience in this lifetime, and everyone deserves to be in love. I admit to being a romantic at heart, but even I struggle with the idea of someone wanting to have a relationship with a prisoner. Not saying that it’s not possible, because there’s some amazing people who find a way to make it work, and I’m not talking about the groupies who jump from prisoner to prisoner. Yes, that happens, so you have to be careful who you fall for.

To get a better understanding as to why it’s possible: you’re actually getting to know each other, minus the physical. You also have to make the best of each letter – the letters are the memorable moments you would usually be creating through normal conversations in “normal” relationships.

I’ve never experienced it myself, but through conversations with fellow prisoners, and the women who fall for them, they said it’s like falling in love on a different level.

It usually starts as a friendship, and grows from that.

It’s not always about weird, mentally unstable women reaching out to guys in prison, like they want you to believe. The connection can be very different, but ends up being more meaningful than any connection you’ve had in the past, because you’re really having to get over the perceptions, and really get to know each other.

In the end, prisoners are still humans, and humans feel most alive when they’re in love.