Category: David’s Posts

Life without parole – making a difference

I just joined a group called LWOP Mentors (life without parole mentors) program. It’ll be an alternative to all the programs that are based towards the life with parole programs. There are currently no programs for LWOP inmates. It’ll be the first of its kind, so I’ll be one of the initial members. It’s basically to show the important people that when they change the laws and decide to give guys like us another opportunity at freedom that we can show that we’ve been preparing, and we can show evidence of how we’ve been preparing. Like I said, it’ll be the first of its kind, and I finally feel like I found some like-minded people to associate myself with. I really have a good feeling about it, because it already has the eyes of some important people. I’ll be receptive to whatever advice you may have, because I know how passionate you are about this. Also, I’ll be sure to keep you posted on how it’s coming along.

We had to write like an introduction statement, basically a part of the process to show that we’re committed and why we want to be a part of the group/movement, so I’ll submit a bit of my statement on to you as my entry for next month. Here it is: (You may need to mention that it’s a new group, LWOP mentors, so that the readers aren’t too lost.)

I’ve been incarcerated since the age of 20 (Dec. 2000). At the age of 24, I was sentenced to death, and then resentenced to LWOP at the age of 42 (June 2022). As one may assume, the transition to general population wasn’t easy after all those years of solitary confinement. On death row, you’re surrounded by like-minded people, so there was unity because most were striving towards a common goal, staying alive. In general population, it’s more like an everybody for themselves mentality, which is somewhat understandable, because the mindset of someone going home in a couple months is different from the mindset of someone with a couple life sentences. I struggled to find like-minded people, something that I realized that I was spoiled to have the past 18 years before the move to general population. It was also a struggle to see people that have given up and accepted their LWOP sentences. That’s why there was no hesitation on my part when I was approached with the idea of putting together something for guys with LWOP.

I’ve also been passionate about mentoring, so I’ll always try to make that a part of anything that I get involved in. I’ve been through more than enough, and know that my experiences can be used to influence others in a positive way. If I can stop someone from taking the path I took, because I know exactly where that path leads to, then that’s a start. I know the importance of mentorship and how much of a difference the right guidance can make. Sometimes it’s about showing a person different options. It hurts every time I come across talented, and young men with so much potential sitting in prison.

When you’re in a position like I’m in, you’re often asked what you’re doing with your time, how you’ve changed since then, or why you deserve another chance at freedom. Of course, I’m not the same person I was at the age of 20, but I’m sure that we all can say that. I’m sincere when I say that I’m better now from my experience, but I do know that I’ll have to do more than say it. That’s another reason I’m going to be a part of this group, because they’re going to hold every member accountable. It’s about having people not only look at you as a case number, or a jail number.

With that being said, I’m excited to be a part of a movement, and to finally be amongst some like-minded people. The journey has just begun, but one day I want us to look back and be proud of being a part of the initial group that opened the gates for ourselves and many more behind us.

One love 

David

From death to life

The transition from death to life continues, and I’m starting to find my way and figure out my purpose moving forward. Remember, at my re-sentencing the jury’s recommendation was unanimous, 12-0 voting to resentence me to death. Thankfully my judge intervened, went against the jury’s recommendation, and sentenced me to life. I immediately felt the pressure from the opportunity that I was given, wanting to make the best of the opportunity.

After leaving the row and getting to general population, I really didn’t know what to expect, and I really didn’t have a plan. The transition wasn’t easy at first, mainly because there was nothing to do. With my security/housing level being as high as it was since leaving the row, I wasn’t eligible for anything. The few progams that was available was for short timers, five years or less. No matter how much I stressed that I wanted to do something positive with my time, and wanting to make the best of the opportunity that I was given, I was denied because I had to much. It was frustrating, because a lot of the short timers weren’t participating in the programs.

I was witnessing the problem, or at least one of the problems, with our prison system. There’s 1000s of guys throughout the prison system with with long sentences that are being denied access to programs, so they’re basically doing nothing. We all know what happens when we have nothing to do, and in this environment, that’s usually not a good thing.

Finally after a year and a half, my custody level dropped and I was able to transfer out to another prison, a better situation. Now I still don’t qualify for every program available, because of my sentence and security level, but I have options. I’m currently enrolled in a mentoring and life skills class which is something that I’ve always been interested in. After everything I’ve been through, I’m the example of what not to do, but at the same time, an example of turning a negative situation into a positive.

I also recently got approved for a correspondence course. It’s all about staying busy and making the best of the opportunity I was given.

The energy is so much different in this prison, because the guys aren’t just sitting around doing nothing. With that being said, instead of just warehousing inmates with nothing to do, we need to focus on what prisons were intended for, to rehabilitate. Give prisoners something to do and you’ll see how much of a difference it’ll make, starting with a reduction in the recidivism rate.

One Love

David

(Typist’s note – as his friend, I cannot tell you how proud I am of D for training to be a mentor, and I absolutely know the positive difference he will make in so many younger inmates’ lives).

One year on

What a year it’s been! As I think about where I was a year ago, it feels like I’ll look back on this year as the year of reflection. The transition from death row to general population was such a shock to the system that i had to make the conscious effort to slow down, and to really try and figure how to proceed, figure out my new normal. I’ll probably never get over the trauma of being in solitary confinement for 30 years, and will be forever anxious in large crowds. That’s not just something you get over. It was so bad that it didn’t feel right, felt like I was doing something wrong when I was being escorted without full restraint. I felt so much lighter without handcuffs and shackles, but I’ve been carrying that extra weight for so long that it was becoming normal. It also felt good not getting the odd looks, the sad looks that death row inmates get when they get escorted. It’s a full on production to transport a death row inmate. It was good to just blend in and go through the reclassification process without having the full production.

There’s also no such thing as soft transition. I went from a single man cell to a 72 man dorm. Talk about shock to the system. I definitely had a few sleepless nights. I’m doing better now, but I also do have moments when it’s overwhelming, and I need to step back and gather my thoughts.

With all that being said, I’m very aware of the opportunity that I was given. Getting off the row didn’t always seem like it was a possibility. I’ve had many sleepless nights thinking about that as well. I’m very thankful, and even though life in prison is far from ideal, the opportunity won’t be taken for granted.

I’m still trying to figure it out and find my way, but hopefully I’ll make the best of life when it’s all said and done.

One love

David

Post 13: The passage of time

The older we get, the more valuable our time should be, because it seems like, at some point in your life, the time decides to speed up. We go from feeling like we can live forever, to one day looking at the image in the mirror and wondering what happened.

When I first got to the row and was meeting guys that’s been incarcerated for 15, 20, 25 years and more (I also met a few guys that’s been here over 40 years), longer than I was alive, I couldn’t believe it. That sounded like forever, and I wondered if it felt like it’s been forever for them. Now I am in that position, quickly approaching my 20th year. I really can’t tell you what it feels like. Some days it feels like it has been forever, and some days it doesn’t feel like it’s been anywhere close to being that long.

I want to say that I’ve made the best of my time, but I do have those days when it feels like the day was a total loss. You do have to make a conscious effort to not let that one day turn into days, or weeks, and so on. That’s the challenge. You never want to feel like you haven’t made the best use of your time. Being here, one don’t get many opportunities to create memorable moments, so whenever the opportunity presents itself, you have to take full advantage of it. I now have a better understanding of the saying “you always make time for the things that are important to you”. It’s a sad feeling when you think about not being able to spend time with the ones that are important to you.

Time is one thing that we can never get back, and it’s very easy to lose track of time. Hopefully, when that day comes, I can look back and not feel like I’ve wasted my time.

One Love

D

Post 12: Mass shootings and the Death Penalty

A post from David…

With the recent increase in mass shootings in this country, which I hope isn’t the “new normal “, I’m not surprised to hear that there’s been talk of making it mandatory to seek the death penalty for people convicted of mass shootings, especially when it’s of the hate crime variety.

It’s all a part of the “tough on crime “ rhetoric. If you’re on the fence as to whether there should be the death penalty , these are the cases that can flip you to being pro death penalty.

“Aren’t these the type of crimes that the death penalty should be reserved for?” “How can you defend cases like these?” These are the obvious questions. It is sad to see, and I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for people who have lost loved ones to such senseless violence. I imagine that revenge is one of the many emotions that they experience. It’d be hard to convince me otherwise.

The whole “tough on crime “ mantra, and threats of the death penalty for offenders, is the easiest way to stir things up, but that won’t change anything. We’re just ignoring the actual issue. Like, how are people with obvious mental health issues, and questionable backgrounds, able to legally obtain high powered weapons? I’m not anti-gun, but someone with an AK-41 with a 100-round drum usually doesn’t have good intentions. They have more than hunting animals on their mind.

Sorry to say, but until we address the real issue here – gun control – we’ll be having another conversation about this in the near future. Expanding the death penalty to include hate crimes, won’t change anything.

One Love
David

Post 11: Thoughts about freedom

By David

Is freedom a state of mind? It’s not an easy question to answer from this side of the fence, so I’m going to need your help with this!

Some days I think that it is, depending on my mood and my headspace.

The reason that I’m saying this, is that I often hear people saying “you’ll have more freedom if you get resentenced to life.” It is true that I’ll no longer be in solitary confinement, and I won’t have a death sentence over my head, but I’ll still be a far way from freedom, or my understanding of what freedom is.

Of course, I’m still limited in many ways but I still have control of my thoughts, so in that sense I do have freedom, but when you’re looking at the years fly by through a fence, freedom isn’t the first word that comes to mind.

One love,

David

Post 10: A Thank You

From David

It’s on me to share my experience on Death Row, and to give people a better understanding of life on The Row.

I’m very thankful for the people that have shown interest in the Death Penalty, who aren’t directly affected by it. It’s easy to focus on the things that directly affect us- as we should of course. Sometimes we have a hard time even doing that.

I’ve met some amazing people over the years, including the people that made this blog possible.

This is just a quick thank you, for caring.

One love

David

Post 9: Today…and today….

A post from David…

I know the importance of making the most of today, and not dwelling on what could’ve been, but it’s something that I struggle with on a daily basis.

No matter all of the things I’ve forgotten, I still get some of the most random thoughts, and it takes me there. No one really plans to end up on death row, at least I haven’t met a single person who said that ending up on death row was a life goal and trust, I’ve met some interesting characters (interesting is one way to put it.)

I’m guilty of taking things, and people, for granted at some point in my life, and I’m sure we can all say that, not knowing I would find myself in this position.

Maybe it’s okay to dwell on the “what could’ve been”every now and again, as a reminder to appreciate what you have today.

One love.

David

Post 8: Re-set

David writes:

There was an execution on May 23rd. The first for the newly elected Governor. Now everybody is anxiously waiting to see what he does next. The previous Governor set the record for the most executions by a Governor of Florida. Hopefully, topping that number isn’t a goal for this Governor.

As long as I’ve been here, you would think that it’s just another day. But you can’t ignore the reality of the situation. When you exhaust your appeals, you’re eligible, and there’s no way around that. This was the 39th execution in Florida during my time on the Row, and it doesn’t get any easier. Of course you don’t ever forget where you’re at. You’re reminded by the cell bars every morning. But when there’s an execution, it’s like a pause, and you have to re-set.

Some executions affect you more than others, more so when you got to know that person, but even if you have never met that person you feel something, because deep down you know that could’ve been you.

So it’s time for me to re-set, and hope that this Governor didn’t get the satisfaction that the previous Governor obviously got, with each one he oversaw.

One love,

David.