Tag: death penalty

Questions and answers

These revealing questions and answers have been taken (with D’s permission) from an interview he completed with the Death Row Soul Collective (check them out on Facebook – they’re remarkable.

OK here goes…..

David speaks…

1. On what occasion do you lie? I lie sometimes when I say that I’m ok, when I’m really not.

2. What do you dislike most about your appearance? I’m not loving the gray hairs that seem to be increasing by the day.

3. What are your favorite names? Denyque, (pronounced like unique with a D) my niece, and Wilhelmina (my favorite person’s middle name).

4. What is your favorite extravagance? I’m ashamed to say junk food (As I’m eating some chocolate chip cookies, when I know that I shouldn’t).

5. What is your greatest fear? Not dying, but growing old in prison and not being able to take care of myself (My fear of frogs is a close second).

6. What historical figure do you most identify with? The character, Jean Valjean (The main character in Les Misérables).

7. When and where were you the happiest? My childhood in the Caribbean when I didn’t have a care in the world.

8. Which talent would you most like to have? It would feel like I had a superpower if I had the talent for public speaking.

9. What is your current state of mind? I’m a bit anxious at the moment. Feels like I’m not close to accomplishing the goals I’ve set for myself, and that makes me feel like I’m failing.

10. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? I would like to learn to just follow my first mind and stop overthinking things as much as I do. It’s not always bad, but most time it’s not.

11. What living person do you most admire? My Mom, because 2 of her 3 children are in prison, and I can say that I didn’t always deserve her love.

12. What do you consider your greatest achievement? Surviving 18 years on Florida’s death row, and instead of losing myself, became a better person from the experience.

13. If you could change one thing about your family what would it be? I would repair all the broken relationships within the family.

14. What trait do you most deplore in yourself? Self-doubt, I don’t always see the potential in myself that others see in me.

15. What is your most marked characteristic? My optimistic mindset, no matter the situation

16. What is the trait you most deplore in others? Being close-minded is a trait I deplore in others.

17. What is your favorite journey? My favorite journey was any trip I took with my family, some of my most memorable moments.

18. Which living person do you most despise? I don’t despise anyone, so I’ll go with myself. There’s a side of me that I’ll forever be working on, so I despise that side of me.

19. Which word or phrase do you most overuse? Even though it’s a favorite word of mine, I do overuse the word “hope” at times.

20. What is your greatest regret? Not fully living, and enjoying my childhood, but instead rushing to think that I was ready to take on adult responsibilities.

21. What or who is the greatest love of your life? The Caribbean. That’s what I think of when I think of freedom, and I think about it at some point every single day.

22. If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be? I’ve experienced being a person, so I would like to come back and experience being an animal, and I would come back as a lion.

23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?  I would say that getting to the point where you feel alone and like you have nothing to live for would be the lowest depth of misery.

24. What do you most value in friends? Accountability, that they’re accountable and hold me accountable as well.

25. Who are your favorite writers? That’s a tough one, but I’ll go with Paolo Coelho and Khaled Hosseini.

26. Who is your favorite hero in fiction?  Not sure if he was a hero, but the character from The Count of Monte Cristo. (It’s been a while since I read it, but I think that his name was Edmond Dantes.)

27. How would you like to die? I would be lounging on the beach, Magens Bay to be exact, watching the sunset one final time.

Holiday season

I don’t celebrate Christmas, but I do look forward to this time of year. For me, I use this time to reflect. To think back on some of the good, bad, and questionable decisions I made throughout the year. I also think about the things I can improve on, mainly things I need to be more conscious of. It could be something as simple as being a better friend or cutting people out of my life that isn’t uplifting in any way.

Even though I don’t celebrate, it’s hard not to be more homesick than usual this time of year, so this is usually the most difficult time of the year for me as well. On top of it, it’s my 24th Christmas, on this side of the fence, and it doesn’t get easier seeing another year roll by.

It’s not all sad though, because I have loved ones that make this time of year a lot less lonely than it is, and that always gets me through. These are the moments I can’t help but accept the fact that life is what you make it, and every day is an opportunity to leave a lasting impression. I can think of so many things that have left a lasting impression on my life this year, like all the encouraging, and kind messages that were passed on to me. Thank you all.

One love 

David

From death to life

The transition from death to life continues, and I’m starting to find my way and figure out my purpose moving forward. Remember, at my re-sentencing the jury’s recommendation was unanimous, 12-0 voting to resentence me to death. Thankfully my judge intervened, went against the jury’s recommendation, and sentenced me to life. I immediately felt the pressure from the opportunity that I was given, wanting to make the best of the opportunity.

After leaving the row and getting to general population, I really didn’t know what to expect, and I really didn’t have a plan. The transition wasn’t easy at first, mainly because there was nothing to do. With my security/housing level being as high as it was since leaving the row, I wasn’t eligible for anything. The few progams that was available was for short timers, five years or less. No matter how much I stressed that I wanted to do something positive with my time, and wanting to make the best of the opportunity that I was given, I was denied because I had to much. It was frustrating, because a lot of the short timers weren’t participating in the programs.

I was witnessing the problem, or at least one of the problems, with our prison system. There’s 1000s of guys throughout the prison system with with long sentences that are being denied access to programs, so they’re basically doing nothing. We all know what happens when we have nothing to do, and in this environment, that’s usually not a good thing.

Finally after a year and a half, my custody level dropped and I was able to transfer out to another prison, a better situation. Now I still don’t qualify for every program available, because of my sentence and security level, but I have options. I’m currently enrolled in a mentoring and life skills class which is something that I’ve always been interested in. After everything I’ve been through, I’m the example of what not to do, but at the same time, an example of turning a negative situation into a positive.

I also recently got approved for a correspondence course. It’s all about staying busy and making the best of the opportunity I was given.

The energy is so much different in this prison, because the guys aren’t just sitting around doing nothing. With that being said, instead of just warehousing inmates with nothing to do, we need to focus on what prisons were intended for, to rehabilitate. Give prisoners something to do and you’ll see how much of a difference it’ll make, starting with a reduction in the recidivism rate.

One Love

David

(Typist’s note – as his friend, I cannot tell you how proud I am of D for training to be a mentor, and I absolutely know the positive difference he will make in so many younger inmates’ lives).

An unusual entry

It’s unusual to say the least to include my voice here. I type up and post David’s blog but do it without any changes or edits.

But I have made an exception, as I had the privilege of going to visit David in Mayo CI 2 weeks ago. It’s quite the thing, and I’ll try to paint a picture.

We (my daughter and I) got there at 8.30 and the weather was already incredibly hot and humid. We waited in line with maybe 50 other people, all of whom were welcoming to us as “first timers” and many of whom clearly knew each other well from regular visits. Babies cried, elderly people took time to sit away from the line in the shade – and many people joked that as Brits we were great at waiting in line!

After at least an hour, we were gradually allowed in, with totally understandable high security. We finally entered the “visitation park”, a large canteen-like room with folding tables, vending machines, a small “canteen” with microwaveable fast food, a few board games – and a palpable atmosphere of every imaginable emotion – anticipation, sadness, joy, love, misery. I watched a small girl silently crying, tears streaming down her face without making a sound. I also watched a baby walk for the first time to his daddy – and the whole room erupted into applause. And we waited. And waited.

Despite repeatedly asking the guards where David was, and getting reassurances that he was on his way, nothing happened. We began to wonder if he’d had second thoughts. Began to doubt we’d recognise him and maybe he’d come in, not seen us and left. And really worried that he’d think we’d “stood him up”.

After about 2 hours, there was “count”, when everyone had to go back to their dorms. Count wasn’t complete so had to be re-done, so the whole thing took about an hour. All in all, from joining the line outside, we waited 5 hours until David appeared. I’m not going to criticise the guards, who were always courteous to this old British woman. And I’m not going to dwell on the wait (although as a smoker – which David hates – I was climbing the walls at this point!)

When David finally arrived, we of course knew him immediately! It was hugely emotional – although he told me very sternly not to cry! You have to understand that this is someone I have had in my life for over 8 years. First of all by handwritten letters (and he always complained about the smell of smoke!) Then it was typed letters, every fortnight. Then emails. Once he moved to Mayo after the resentencing, we could talk on the phone (and I’m sorry D how many times I miss your calls!) And now to meet, and hug.

I know we were both very nervous. What if we found nothing to say? What if it was just too awkward? But very soon it settled into the same easy communication we’ve had through so many mediums. As D put it “it’s so easy to vibe with you”.

If you’re a regular reader of this, maybe you need me to describe David. Open face. Amazing eye contact. Gentlemanly. Funny. Very able to  be teased. So so easy to talk to. Not someone who takes advantage (we were allowed to bring in around $20 for snacks and I watched other inmates understandably buy everything the canteen could provide. D just took a sandwich and a bottle of water, and was more concerned that we had had something).

And it went so quickly. We talked football (soccer). About his legal representation. About our great American road trip. Just stuff, the stuff you chat to a friend about. I can’t give you any major revelations. I met the same guy I’d “met” through letters, emails and latterly phone calls already. I certainly got a greater insight into where he’s living. The time flew, and after just under 1 ½ hours, time was called. And we said our goodbyes. The hardest thing is that what I wanted to say was “see you soon”. But I live 4133 miles away (yes, I looked it up!)

Finally, I’m aware that not everyone reading this will share my views on the death penalty, on rehabilitation and second chances. And I respect that – particularly for families of victims. I am not writing to explain or excuse, to challenge or minimise. I am simply writing to tell you about my friend, and the huge privilege it was to meet him face to face.

Karen Chandler

People can be overwhelming

Now that I’m in general population, I’m interacting with a lot more people; sometimes to the point where it’s overwhelming. I’m in a dorm with 84 other men, the complete opposite of solitary confinement. I get to interact with guys that’s only been in here for a couple of months so far, with guys going home in a few days, to guys that’s been in over 40 years, and everything inbetween.

General population and death row are like two different worlds. On the row, it’s as if you’re frozen in time, because everybody around you is in the same predicament, whereas in general population, there’s no telling what you’re going to get. Someone that has a few days until he gets to go home isn’t focussed on tablets or setting up the Securus app. he’s talking about his worries going back out into the free world and doing better – at least most of them are.

There’s a high turnover rate – guys come and go, so it actually feels like the days are different, especially when you interact with so many different people on a daily basis. I’m constantly learning from the guys around me, from the short timers to the lifers. I also learned from the guys on the row, but now it’s coming at me at a faster pace.

Post 13: The passage of time

The older we get, the more valuable our time should be, because it seems like, at some point in your life, the time decides to speed up. We go from feeling like we can live forever, to one day looking at the image in the mirror and wondering what happened.

When I first got to the row and was meeting guys that’s been incarcerated for 15, 20, 25 years and more (I also met a few guys that’s been here over 40 years), longer than I was alive, I couldn’t believe it. That sounded like forever, and I wondered if it felt like it’s been forever for them. Now I am in that position, quickly approaching my 20th year. I really can’t tell you what it feels like. Some days it feels like it has been forever, and some days it doesn’t feel like it’s been anywhere close to being that long.

I want to say that I’ve made the best of my time, but I do have those days when it feels like the day was a total loss. You do have to make a conscious effort to not let that one day turn into days, or weeks, and so on. That’s the challenge. You never want to feel like you haven’t made the best use of your time. Being here, one don’t get many opportunities to create memorable moments, so whenever the opportunity presents itself, you have to take full advantage of it. I now have a better understanding of the saying “you always make time for the things that are important to you”. It’s a sad feeling when you think about not being able to spend time with the ones that are important to you.

Time is one thing that we can never get back, and it’s very easy to lose track of time. Hopefully, when that day comes, I can look back and not feel like I’ve wasted my time.

One Love

D

Post 11: Thoughts about freedom

By David

Is freedom a state of mind? It’s not an easy question to answer from this side of the fence, so I’m going to need your help with this!

Some days I think that it is, depending on my mood and my headspace.

The reason that I’m saying this, is that I often hear people saying “you’ll have more freedom if you get resentenced to life.” It is true that I’ll no longer be in solitary confinement, and I won’t have a death sentence over my head, but I’ll still be a far way from freedom, or my understanding of what freedom is.

Of course, I’m still limited in many ways but I still have control of my thoughts, so in that sense I do have freedom, but when you’re looking at the years fly by through a fence, freedom isn’t the first word that comes to mind.

One love,

David

Post 10: A Thank You

From David

It’s on me to share my experience on Death Row, and to give people a better understanding of life on The Row.

I’m very thankful for the people that have shown interest in the Death Penalty, who aren’t directly affected by it. It’s easy to focus on the things that directly affect us- as we should of course. Sometimes we have a hard time even doing that.

I’ve met some amazing people over the years, including the people that made this blog possible.

This is just a quick thank you, for caring.

One love

David

Post 9: Today…and today….

A post from David…

I know the importance of making the most of today, and not dwelling on what could’ve been, but it’s something that I struggle with on a daily basis.

No matter all of the things I’ve forgotten, I still get some of the most random thoughts, and it takes me there. No one really plans to end up on death row, at least I haven’t met a single person who said that ending up on death row was a life goal and trust, I’ve met some interesting characters (interesting is one way to put it.)

I’m guilty of taking things, and people, for granted at some point in my life, and I’m sure we can all say that, not knowing I would find myself in this position.

Maybe it’s okay to dwell on the “what could’ve been”every now and again, as a reminder to appreciate what you have today.

One love.

David